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Day 67 – Fathered and Fatherless Act Like It

Children who do not grow up with healthy, balanced oversight of good instruction in the home will show it in the things that they don’t know and no propaganda will convince the facts otherwise.

Children missing a parent can quickly develop an “I don’t need that parent” life motto. It’s not a logical or scientific conclusion, but an emotional coping mechanism to invalidate the self-invalidation they invent every day. Not having a parent doesn’t make someone invalid in itself; it shows up in one’s lifestyle.

An eight year old who doesn’t know how to tie his shoes probably has too much pampering at home and school. A ten year old who ties his shoes incorrectly likely has parents who just don’t care.

A high schooler who doesn’t respond to text messages is announcing to all his friends, “Hey, my parents yell at me all the time, so I ignore what everyone says just to cope with it.” The junior higher who can’t agree to go to the movies next weekend—time and again—is likewise broadcasting, “My parents interrupt my life constantly, thereby erasing my concept that ‘tomorrow exists’.” When their friends call them out on it, they act indignant and accuse everyone of making up complaints from their “dream worlds”. They make their own parents look bad in the eyes of the student body and everyone sees it but them, especially their teachers.

School carries into the workplace.

I have a saying, “Beware of people with hyphenated last names; they haven’t resolved their loyalties.” In Chinese it holds for four-character names, rather than than the usual three-. No judging, they may be great people, but strange formats make work for others and begs questions about one’s upbringing.

Everyone has family problems. If you’ve outgrown yours, but have a strange name format from the fallout, take counsel and review a legal name change. The process may be therapeutic. Alternatively, artists often take additional middle names or file a legal DBA/pseudonym.

Whatever “baggage” you may carry, ditch it. Everyone else sees it but you, don’t act otherwise. What happens at home shows in the world, especially when you’re offended by other people’s reaction to your conduct.

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