WASHINGTON, D.C. –
What started as an internet meme and joke has become a startling reality, as Senator Ted Cruz, presidential hopeful, admitted today that he was, in fact, the Zodiac Killer.
“It was me who killed all those people in California in the late 60s and early 70s,” said Cruz to a room full of shocked reporters. “Yes, I know that I wasn’t actually born until 1970…or was I?”
Cryptic information not withstanding, the internet has run with the admission, and several conspiracy theory websites are in an uproar over the information.
“Obviously what happened is that Ted Cruz wins the election this year, and in his rise to power, he amassed a small fortune. He then used his powers and money to direct government agencies to build him a time machine that he then uses to go back and become the Zodiac Killer,” said conspiracy theorist Airi Shay. “Clearly it’s the only possible explanation. How else could a person who wasn’t even born kill all those people?”
Cruz, so far, has denied any allegations that he is a time traveler.