Faux Report

BREAKING: President Donald Trump Has Made a Major Announcement – ‘It’s Time To Quit!’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

In a shocking, unprecedented move, President Trump has made an announcement from the White House early this morning that had rattled the entire nation.

“It’s time that I quit tweeting,” said President Trump to a room of Associated Press reporters. “Throughout 2017, it has been a source of continued embarrassment for me, as I try and say and do what any one of you would on your own accounts – I just wanted to speak my mind. Unfortunately, the Fake News outlets like CNN have used my tweets time and time again to twist my words and try and make me look bad. Well no more.”

Trump stated that his official account would continue to run, but that it would announce only breaking political and world news, and it would be completely run by staff members.

“I’m giving them the passwords, advising them to change them all, and I will no longer have access to my Twitter accounts,” said Trump. “It’s my 2018 new year’s resolution, and I will stick by it.”

In the meantime, Trump has taken to other social media websites and  set up accounts, including on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Grindr.

“I had no idea what that last one was, but it seemed like it could be a good time,” said Trump.

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Faux Report

Twitter To Raise Character Limit To 150 So President Trump Has More Words Available To Complain

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Twitter announced today that they would be upping their character limit to 150 from 140, with specific regard to President Trump’s Twitter account, saying that he deserves “a few more words” to be able to bitch properly.

“Trump’s spelling is bad enough, so we don’t want to hinder his abilities any further by making him type in short-hand or in some sort of ‘code,'” said Twitter CEO Mark Brewer. “So we have decided to extend our character limit to 150, which will hopefully give Trump all the room he needs to praise FOX News, complain about CNN, or sexually harass a woman or make a pass at his daughter…really, the field is wide open now.”

Many are calling for a total shutdown of Trump’s account by Twitter, but the company says that his feed is one of the most followed on the site, and “always good for a laugh.”

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Faux Report

Twitter CEO Says They Are Cancelling Trump’s Account ‘For The Good of the Country’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey announced this morning that the company would be officially cancelling Donald Trump’s account by the end of the week.  Although a full termination of an account of a celebrity is rare, Dorsey says that he feels it is his ‘patriotic duty’ to get Trump off of Twitter.

“This is not a statement of my political party, nor is it a bash against the current Presidency in any way,” said Dorsey. “Basically, this move is being made to help the entire country. Donald Trump spends far too much time tweeting, and not nearly enough time focusing on issues that actually matter in this country.”

Trump went on a Twitter tirade a few days ago, bashing networks CNN and MSNBC as “fake news,” and finishing off by saying that “Fox and Friends was okay.”

“Those tweets are the kind of thing I’m talking about,” commented Dorsey. “The country is more divided now than it has ever been, and Trump is at the epicenter of it all. But instead of bringing things together, he’s just stoking the fire. That is why we have decided to ban him from Twitter all together.”

Dorsey says that they will be backing up Trump’s tweets since the creation of his account, and then removing the entire profile. Any Donald Trump accounts that open after will also be deleted.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, July 25, 2016

Americans got to know Trump a little better this week. Many young Democrats will also get to know him at the debates when they watch him unedited for the first time, as predicted here many times. Some people still think a losing third party is not just another tool of the two-party system.

Some people were not surprised by Trump “appearing more presidential” in his speech. Some people see smoke on the horizon before others; some people never see the smoke no matter how close they are. The stats of who blooms late and early will predict Trump’s election. You have read it here already many times because it was all predictable to those who understand the times.

After Monday’s failed coup on rules, Cruz permanently removed himself from politics Wednesday night. Cruz’s so-called “values” demonstrably include: If someone finds your secret pet peeve and pushes the button, then you are obligated to sabotage your own career and lose whatever you stood to gain for your loyal supporters. It’s better to know sooner than later: he probably won’t make it to the Supreme Court as he might have after all.

Why did Ailes leave Fox? Throw into the mix the main viewing audience’s political party’s nomination for president: consider parallel timing of events, factor enemies and allies, then it all makes plausible sense without explanation.

Islamic attacks are no longer worthy of headlines. How many people saw that coming?

Donald J Trump Jr’s. speech writer, FH Buckley, was accused of plagiarizing the speech he himself wrote from an article he himself wrote—before the critics knew he was a speech writer. How many people saw that coming?

Numbers don’t lie. Trends do indicate. Read the times. Know the signs of the seasons. And remember what the papa tomato said to the baby tomato while crossing the street: Ketchup.

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Admits He Was Only Running For President To Get Hillary Elected

WASHINGTON, D.C – 

The rumors were true after all. Donald Trump has just admitted that he was a Hillary Clinton plant the whole time.

Many have suspected as much, and liberal trolls on the internet have been saying it for months, but now Donald Trump himself has admitted that he is running as a Republican to ensure Hillary Clinton will win in November. Trump revealed via Twitter that he made a deal with Hillary in 2014; this all unfolding mere days after Trump’s lock on securing the Republican nomination

After Donald Trump made this announcement, campaign manager Gerald Rogers released a press release documenting the entire charade.

“Electing Hillary Clinton, the most disliked Democrat politician in decades, would have been impossible unless she were running against a Republican that was even worse. Although, it couldn’t just be any Republican, it would have to be the absolute worst Republican in the country,” said Rogers. “It would have to be a Republican that was so bad even other Republicans would denounce them. It would have to be someone that would split the party and ensure Hillary could win the White House with only 40% of the vote.”

Trump has said now that he has gained the GOP nomination, though, he will continue to run, because “being president” is something that he says he can “really kick ass” at.

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Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Trump broke 50% (YouGov)

Soros funds Hillary (Bloomberg)

Trump wants two-way street protection alliance with Japan, Japan objects (Japan Times)

Japan softly protests Trump’s ‘devalued yen’ comment (Japan Today)

China angry at Trump (Australia Network)

Pro-Cruz Establishment (WA Post)

Bernie’s still kicking (Politico)

Kasich and Rubio likely to lose home games (McClatchy DC)

Trump protests: police, video, pics, Tweets (RT)

Palin’s husband in snow machine accident, detours home (NBC)

Unplanned: Edward Snowden joins Twitter… 47GB of notifications | RT

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October 6, 2015

Hillary gets punchy

Trump—Rubio’s new water boy

Sheriff in Roseberg, OR to Biden: No gun control, won’t enforce, locals support him

SYRIA—Now, Russian Special Forces

Snowden turns himself in, no answer

Carly—the beltway fav

@Jack is back @Twitter!

Cured: How traditional Chinese medicine finally won its Nobel Prize  · · · →

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Symphony

Tempo: April 23, 2015

Iran ships to Yemen, Defense Sec concerned about weapons. US Defense publishes cyberwarfare strategy, hoping to deter. Obama doing more executive action, this time with a twist. Hillary, Uranium, and Russian. Google to offer wireless. Bonus: Iron Man lives up to his name: @RobertDowneyJr Tweets to Aidan having a bad day.

 · · · →

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Symphony

Tempo: April 21, 2015

China launches new free trade zones, Shanghai won’t relax. Britain doubts Buffet’s ‘too big to fail’-ness. More warnings of financial trouble from Fed circles. The US wants more money for Ukraine. Hillary wants more money for families. Cumo visits Cubanos, not Castros. A new ‘Clear’ app in time for election season—politically correct your Tweets. Bonus: Bitcoin Vs. Wall Street: A Love-Hate Story  · · · →

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