Symphony

Cadence of Conflict: Asia, November 19, 2018

In Taiwanese politics, a mayor candidate's comments about his own benefits from drinking honey-lemonade sparked retribution from the medical community. After a lump under his eye went away, apparently from a vegetarian and honey-lemonade diet, he actually said so. A professional from a hospital was quick to weigh in. It's understandable. If people learned that honey could cure disease, hospital profits would plunge. More importantly, Taiwanese political debates would become outright boring without the ability to, as the saying goes, make lemonade from political debates.

But, lemonade really is important. Google search results even saw a spike after this essential talk of Taiwanese politics made news.

Meanwhile, at the ASEAN summit in Singapore, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong called for nations to come together at a time when Southeast Asian stability was under threat. In anticipation of APEC after ASEAN, Mike Pence started talking tough, wanting results and genuine action from China concerning an even-flow of trade. He elaborated, that the US has a quarter of a billion dollars in tariffs and isn't afraid to go twice as high as well as take more "diplomatic" action. It was a strong "they know that we know that they know what we think" remark, the kind that precedes otherwise objectionable action to make the action unobjectionable.

Later, at APEC, Pence warned of returning to a "cold war" while making plans for a US-Australian naval base in Papua New Guinea. Rather than dropping its tilted tariffs on goods, China has been openly gearing up for all out war three weeks. APEC ended without a written agreement between member nations for the first time ever because of the disagreements between the US and China.

This past weekend, Taiwan did something that China despises every bit as much as it cannot identify with: Taiwan hosted democratic election campaigns. With all the strong rhetoric concerning Taiwan, independence, and China's loudly and often-spoken determination to invade Taiwan, there shouldn't be any question where China's war-in-preparation will start and why America will easily get involved.

America is already involved in Taiwan to quite an extent. AIT, the unofficial yet de facto US embassy in Taiwan, had an interview scheduled for release with a large TV network in Taiwan. But, after the interview, the TV network, TVBS, scrapped the interview. So, AIT shared the interview in its Facebook page, rather than relying on TVBS.

With the history lessons about Taiwan in almost every Taiwan-related story in the Western press, Americans will take an advancement against Taiwan as an advancement against themselves. China would be perceived as an aggressor and rightly so. Everything the US has done to provoke and irritate China would have only worked if China possessed the old school "Asian Pride" that Sun Tzu warned against, a pride that can't be permitted in a world's superpower because such pride is easily provoked just as much as it is easily shattered. Hardened pride makes for brittle peace. That's something that the entire West won't allow, the US notwithstanding.

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Faux Report

Mike Pence’s Secret GAY Romance REVEALED By Scorned Lover!

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence listens to a question during a news conference, Tuesday, March 31, 2015, in Indianapolis. Pence said that he wants legislation on his desk by the end of the week to clarify that a new religious-freedom law does not allow discrimination. The law has triggered an outcry, with businesses and organizations voicing concern and some states barring government-funded travel to the Midwestern state. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Vice President Mike Pence, a staunch Christian, Conservative, and Republican (in that order), is one of the few people left in this world to a throwback era before homosexuality was, for the most part, legal and accepted. He has previously stepped out against gay marriage, and firmly believes that electro-shock therapy can actually “cure” gay people from their “affliction.”

But all of that seems to have been a front or some sort of clever ruse, because a man has come forward claiming that he is Mike Pence’s scorned lover, and he’s ready to bare it all for the media.

“Mike and I had a relationship for over 15 years, long before he was in the public eye,” said the man, who is speaking anonymously until such time he feels it is right to reveal his identity. “I have letters, photographs, text messages, and…even some risque images that can all be used as proof of our relationship. But this wasn’t all about sex, this was love. I absolutely love him, more than any man I’ve ever met, even know, after he threw me away for politics and a public life.”

The anonymous lover says the romance ended in 2014, a year or so after Pence became governor of Indiana.

“We tried to keep things going, but between his political life, his fake marriage to his wife, and everything else, it was very hard,” said the man. “Of course, I wanted to keep seeing him, but he broke it off, and changed his number. I had no way of reaching him. It still breaks my heart. And it breaks it more every time he says something harsh against the gay community. I know what he’s really thinking, and I see it every time he speaks negatively about us…he’s just doing it to keep a persona, but deep down, he would love to have a dick in or around his mouth again.”

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Faux Report

VP Mike Pence Accidentally Electrocutes Himself, Claims He’s Now Gay

pence

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Vice President Mike Pence reportedly electrocuted himself accidentally after touching a light switch after getting out of the shower, while still wet. Ironically, the VP now claims that he is homosexual, and has planned a massive “coming out” party at the White House.

Pence, who has long been known for his completely stupid views on homosexuality and believing that it can be cured via electro-shock therapy, is now referring to himself as “a big, flaming fag,” and says he’s never been happier.

“Oh my God you guys, being gay is so wonderful and amazing. I mean, I wanna say I told you so, ’cause if I’m gay just from getting shocked, there’s no WAY that shocking couldn’t cause the opposite effect, ya know?” said Pence in a fun, sing-song voice. “But, you know, I’m just too damn giddy to even consider being negative like that. I’m the first gay man in power since Elton John’s Tiny Dancer was #1 on the charts. Ohh, baby!”

The gay community, which is normally very happy when a major celebrity comes out, has withdrawn from Pence’s announcement, and calls it “truly stupid.”

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