Faux Report

Michigan Welfare Changes Start in January – No More Soda, Chips, Candy, or Junk Food

michigan

DETROIT, Michigan – 

As of January 1st, major changes to the Michigan State Welfare Program will take effect, and the largest difference will be what people are allowed to buy with their food stamps.

According to changes in the welfare laws, Michigan residents will no longer be allowed to buy junk food, candy, soda, or anything the state has deemed to have “less than regular” nutritional value. The changes come after a study found that the number one purchase using food stamps were 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, followed closely by Doritos.

“The people of Michigan are fat, lazy, and useless. Most of them are living off the state as it is, and these welfare leeches need a drastic wakeup call,” said Michigan Senator Marc Collins. “These changes are for the good of the state. Health will improve, and people can stop draining our society and get back to work. They’re going to have to if they want Mountain Dew and potato chips.”

“This is some serious, extremely lame bullshit,” said welfare recipient Gary Gross. “I ain’t living off the welfare. I got a job. I work 11 hours a week, and that’s all they can give me. I bust my ass them 11 hours, too, but I need them food stamps to live. If I ain’t getting them, or ain’t able to buy soda and chips, then what’s the point of getting them? Am I supposed to buy steaks or something? Shit, you gotta cook those!”

Officially, the changes to the Welfare restrictions will take place January 14th, 2018, but state representatives are telling people to start buying healthier options as of January 1st.

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Faux Report

Flint, Michigan Begins Having Tap Water Imported From Mexico

mexico

FLINT, Michigan – 

Residents of Flint, Michigan have begun having been having their water imported from other states for quite some time, as the situation of their own water has been disasterous. But now, some residents have begun looking even further away, and are having their water imported from across the border in Tijuana.

“Our water is so bad, that Mexican tap water looks like crystal-clear spring water in comparison,” said Flint resident Mario Jones. “I can get about 50 gallons of Mexican tap water for about $5, which is a lot cheaper than here. Sure, it still gives me the shits, but that’s par for the course now. At least it doesn’t look like sewage.”

Mexico has been grateful for the business, with several companies across the border saying that they thought they would NEVER have use for tap water.

“Our water, it was muy disgustingo,” said Pedro Martinez. “But when I heard about the hydro crisis in Flint, I thought it was a good idea to start up a new company, and get them the water that they need. So I fill up about 200 gallon bottles a week, and I drive them into Arizona, where it can be shipped much cheaper. It’s a great deal for me. My family has lots of extra pesos now.”

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Faux Report

Flint, Michigan Begins Having Tap Water Imported From Mexico

mexico

FLINT, Michigan – 

Residents of Flint, Michigan have begun having been having their water imported from other states for quite some time, as the situation of their own water has been disasterous. But now, some residents have begun looking even further away, and are having their water imported from across the border in Tijuana.

“Our water is so bad, that Mexican tap water looks like crystal-clear spring water in comparison,” said Flint resident Mario Jones. “I can get about 50 gallons of Mexican tap water for about $5, which is a lot cheaper than here. Sure, it still gives me the shits, but that’s par for the course now. At least it doesn’t look like sewage.”

Mexico has been grateful for the business, with several companies across the border saying that they thought they would NEVER have use for tap water.

“Our water, it was muy disgustingo,” said Pedro Martinez. “But when I heard about the hydro crisis in Flint, I thought it was a good idea to start up a new company, and get them the water that they need. So I fill up about 200 gallon bottles a week, and I drive them into Arizona, where it can be shipped much cheaper. It’s a great deal for me. My family has lots of extra pesos now.”

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Encore of Revival: America, November 28, 2016

Hillary’s involvement in a bid to recount the election results will lead to her indictment. Before, her indictment was in question. Perhaps Trump would be “magnanimous” and not persecute his political opponent. That would make sense since political retribution is a can of worms that few want to open—except perhaps Hillary. Then again, no one is sure what she wants from this post-concession recount.

Chris Wallace proved his dated journalism nose once again; he asked the wrong candidate about accepting election results. He really expected the tables to be reversed. He questioned Trump based on his speculation of the vote rather than on the character of the candidates.

Of course Hillary would contest the results after she conceded to them. From her retributive, venomous, retaliatory mode of operation—even with every indication of magnanimity from Trump—she thought surely she would be indicted because that’s what she would do. While some speculate that Hillary hopes to sow doubt about Trump’s legitimacy and stir chaos in the nation, she’s just a wolf trapped in a corner who doesn’t seem to know that she is driving nails into her own political coffin.

Michigan and Wisconsin both could see intervention from their own legislatures and State Supreme Courts. The States could determine that the request for a recount came too late to be completed before the electoral college meets. The US Supreme Court would be divided and bounce decisions back to the States. Other speculations include Congress choosing the President and Vice President, but it is doubtful to even get that far. The States are about to display their power. America’s adversaries will quietly watch and that will make them respect America more than anything we will read in the headlines over the next eight years.

Fidel Castro died at 90 years old. He even said goodbye at the most recent Communist Party Congress. Cubans celebrated in the streets of Miami while Black Lives Matter mourned.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2016

UT: Cruz 69% 40/40 Kasich 17% Trump 14%

AZ: Trump 47% 58/58 Cruz 25% Rubio 14% Kasich 10% Carson 3%

Politico Election

Fox Election

CNN Election

Michigan Board of Ed denies parents, doctors: Children choose own gender (Daily Caller)

Pediatricians: ‘Gender Identity’ choice = harm, child abuse (ACPEDS)

Video: Good Samaritan on LA Subway (Daily Caller)

Brussels, photos (Daily Mail)

Brussels was warned, 2 Senators a new miss (Bloomberg)

Pallet: No one could “see” blue color in ancient times | Facebook – Tech Insider

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Encore of Revival: America, March 7, 2016

Wait… Did a former GOP nominee urge voters to not vote for someone who was asked to sign a pledge of party loyalty? If ears and eyes dost not deceive, then the GOP thinks loyalty is a one-way street.

Bernie supporters think that he has a chance. They have a “be positive, we can” attitude. They don’t seem to understand the mafia-style, backroom deal, secret money exchanges that affect elections. They really think that elections are about the best ideas and honest effort.

Trump continues to be misunderstood by journalists and establishment bosses. With Kansas and Maine taking the turn they did, with Ohio leaning for Kasich a strong 2nd, and with Michigan polls still settling, GOP primaries are far from over. With Trump not having Texas, and probably not Ohio, July will likely be a brokered convention. The best power choice would be to keep Cruz in the Senate with a Trump-Kasich ticket. The strong-vote choice would be a Trump-Cruz ticket, seating the failed 2012 VP behind Trump at the 2017 State of the Union next to the man who put him there. The establishment-game, if left unchanged, would deny both Trump and Cruz the ticket, leading to a likely four or five candidate election—if Trump goes third party, Cruz would probably also have been dejected, and Bernie would have another chance. America will get a front-row view of the wheeling and dealing of party politics, just as the party bosses get a balcony ticket to the response of the masses who won’t have it anymore.

It’s already time to grab a popcorn, a cup of coffee, and start thinking about 2024.

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Faux Report

20 Million Gallons of Fresh Water Accidentally Spilled Into Flint, Michigan River

flintwater

FLINT, Michigan – 

According to the EPA, an accidental spill of over 20 million gallons of fresh, clean, filtered drinking water was spilled into the Flint, Michigan river, where the town’s horrendous drinking water comes from.

Thousands of citizens rushed to their kitchen faucets, and were extremely pleased to find that a lot of the yellow and brown color was fading away, and that almost all of the smell was removed from the water.

“It’s a miracle, really. A true miracle that this happened,” said Flint resident Michael Moore. “Normally I go to my tap, and I mostly get piss-colored swill water, but now it’s almost clean! You pray and pray for accidents like this to happen, and then my God, dreams come true.”

According to the Flint chapter of the EPA, a railroad car filled with over 20 million gallons of water derailed last week, spilling into the town’s drinking supply.

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Faux Report

Flint Residents Urged To Boil And Drink Their Own Urine During Michigan Water Crisis

water

FLINT, Michigan – 

The small town of Flint, Michigan has had a serious problem with polluted drinking water for the last few years, but the problem has recent reached epic proportions after national news outlets picked up the story, making people aware of the lead-filled river water that residents have been drinking.

Diseases and sickness have caused multiple hospitalizations and even several deaths since the city’s government began telling people that the water was safe to drink, despite its brown and yellow color when straight from the tap. Because of the national media attention, the city officials have decided to recant their statements about the water’s safety, and instead suggests that residents boil and drink their own urine.

“It is much, much safer for you to urinate into jars, bottles, or jugs, boil it, and then drink that,” said Flint city council member Roger Lewis. “You can drink your own urine up to three times before it becomes poisonous, but that is still safer to drink than the river water we’ve been saying was safe for the last few years.”

Residents are currently being given water from other states by the US government, but they must show a valid Michigan license with a Flint address on it to qualify, as well as provide a social security number. Flint city council members say that the water crisis may not end for some time, and that they will continue to research methods for residents to obtain water, including saving saliva and sweat for possible use.

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June 23, 2015

Video: teen shot dead by sheriff’s deputy in Michigan over bright headlights. Obamatrade heats up. James Horner dies in plane crash: composer of Titanic, Braveheart, Apollo 13, The Amazing Spider-Man, Avatar, A Beautiful Mind15,000 honey bees buzz up Senate entrance. Hero: UPS Driver Notices Something Strange About Packages She Delivered, Solves Sinister Crime.  · · · →

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