Faux Report

Jeb Bush Says He Will Use Remaining Campaign Contributions To Buy Yacht, Sail Around The World

Jeb Bush Touted to Launch Presidential Bid; Expected to Release Video for Public to Mock

DALLAS, Texas – 

Former presidential candidate Jeb Bush has dropped out of the campaign race this year, after finally coming to the realization that he didn’t have a chance in hell of winning even the part nomination, let alone a seat in the White House.

Bush says that he will use the remaining money in his campaign fund, approximately $4 million, and buy a yacht, with plans to sail around the world.

“Normally I wouldn’t waste campaign money on something so frivolous,” said Bush. “I appreciate every person and company who, for some reason, had the bad foresight to donate to my campaign. Instead of using that money to support another candidate or give back, what I’ve decided is that I need a nice, long cruise around the world on a new yacht. I’ve already picked it out, and I’ve named it Queen Barbara, after my momma.”

Bush says that he plans to set sail in August, with hopes of “missing the end of the election completely.”

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Election

Opine: 2016 New Hampshire Debate

I normally don’t write about individual debates. Some things happened in New Hapmshire, however, which I thought were prophetic, other things telling.

When the candidates came out, Carson and Trump had difficulty hearing the media over the shouts of the crowd, even though the media kept calling them. Even Kasich had trouble. This strange leapfrog of candidates back and forth left Carson and Trump standing together while the other candidates passed by.

I thought many things in the scene seemed prophetic.

I have missed stage instructions myself. So, I understand exactly how this can happen, even with good planning.

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Faux Report

Fistfight Occurs Between Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush on Campaign Trail

tedjeb

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Things are getting heated on the campaign trail, as even politicians of the same party are having words. Sources inside the Republican parrty say that both Bush and Cruz were careful to keep out of the eyes of the press during a recent fight, and the whole affair was considered “off the record.”

An intern working closely with Bush says, “Cruz broke the gentlemen’s code and hit Bush in the face. He’s going to need to wear extra foundation. The unwritten code between candidates is below the belt is fine, but don’t throw any punches that could mar a fellow’s face.”

Sources close to Cruz say the fight started because Cruz accused Jeb Bush of being a sore loser. In the polls, Bush is coming in a distant third. “The 2000, election where Al Gore got the popular vote – well, at first Jeb Bush did not want to rig the election to help George W. He wanted to be president. Daddy Bush told him that it was Georgie’s turn now, and Jeb would get to be president after. Jeb went along with it, but now he’s not getting what he was promised. So he’s being a poor sport.”

Cruz appears to be taking a more macho approach to his campaign in general. After the fistfight with Bush, Cruz challenged Trump to a Mano-a-Mano debate anytime between now and he Iowa caucus. Among candidates in the Republican party, this is equivalent to posturing like an aggressive ape and growling.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, January 19, 2016

The democratic awakening from Taiwan won’t stop with China. Though the ramifications may stay more in the government, they will reach America. The Pentagon and White House, in their own ongoing feuds, will be forced to recognize their miscalculations. The people are fed up. And if 20 million Taiwanese aren’t afraid of China’s 2,000 missiles and are willing to tear down annoying establishments anyway, then 300 million Americans can’t be contained by any means—by the press or the barrel of a gun.

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