Faux Report

Philip Morris Introduces New ‘Healthy Cigarettes’ That Will DESTROY Cancer Cells

cigarettes-display-c-store-885

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

Great news for longterm smokers who are suffering from black lung, emphysima, cancer, and a host of other diseases contracted from years of inhaling cigarette smoke and toxins – Philip Morris International, one of the largest manufacturers of cigarettes in the world, has announced that they have created a new, healthy cigarette – one that can actually fight disease.

“This new cigarette is a combined effort of over 30 years worth of research,” said Mario Philips, President of Philip Morris. “We know that people who smoke, absolutely love it, despite the hazards like cancer and death. So we have spent decades researching new options that can keep them enjoying something they love, and also keep them alive to do it even longer.”

Philips says that the company’s new cigarette contains a “host of ingredients” that are all “top secret,” and can not divulge what might be in them, but says that most are known cancer-fighting agents, as well as other natural ingredients, and a new high-dose of what they’re calling a Cancer-Killer.

“We developed this new drug, this new cancer killer, over the last handful of years, and it works. We’ve tested it on thousands of people, and they were all cured of their cancer,” said Philips. “It’s really revolutionary. The important thing, though, as that these smokes taste just as good, just as rich, as our regular cigarettes.

The new cigarettes will be hitting store shelves in October.

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Home & Garden, Tips & How To

Let There Be Light (Part One)

The Lord has been teaching me so much about healing in the last decade. I believe that it is always God’s will to heal us; however, we have not understood some fundamental things that can stand in the way.

We are spirit, soul and body; a three part being created in the image of God. In the Hebrew language, there is no word for ‘spiritual.’ God’s people understood that there is no division between these three things. It is the Greek culture and exaltation of knowledge over Spirit that emphasized and distinguished the difference.


Several years ago I asked the Lord, “How can fasting (going without food) affect you spiritually?” It was a fascinating thought to me. And over the last couple of years, the Lord began to show me the answer.

We live in a fallen world. None of us will get through this life without being accosted by poison; physically damaging toxins and soul damaging wounds. Every day we eat and drink and breathe in things that are physically damaging to our bodies.

Non-filtered water, white flour and sugar, and preservatives are all known carcinogens. Drinking one cola or carbonated beverage wipes out your immune system for 27 hours. Doctors now know that even the plastics that ‘good’ food is packaged in can be absorbed into the food and when eaten, is harmful to us. The colorings and preservatives in makeup, hair coloring and even antiperspirants can cause skin cancer. The one that really makes me chuckle (in a non-amused way) is that there is an ingredient in sun-block is a known carcinogen and that people are becoming sick by not getting enough vitamin D from sun exposure! There is evidence that skin cancer is not caused by the sun but by a lack of good nutrition. 

But even more than that, doctors now recognize that anger can cause cancer and other health problems. Stress causes heart disease. Depression and grief cause us to become sick. Scripture confirms that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12

But even more recently, I discovered Dr. Caroline Leaf. She is a neuroscientist who has proven that "as a man thinks, so he is." Proverbs 23:7 She has proven that 99.9% of all sickness originates in our thought life and that sickness that we are born with, originated in the thought life of our ancestors. You can find her on YouTube and her books on Amazon. 

Sometimes when we are emotionally wounded, we are unable to handle the depth of our emotions all at once. People who have lost a loved one express a feeling of numbness for a season and the grief surfaces over time. This is our mind and body’s defense against overwhelming pain. When this happens, our bodies store the ‘pain’ in our cells and tissues, in the form of toxins. Unless flushed out, these toxins can and will cause illness.

Unforgiveness and anger against someone causes stress and toxins are stored in our cells. Men seem to suffer more with heart disease than women. Crying is a gift from God that helps cleanse our mind and body of toxins and releases positive endorphins into the body for healing.

Even when choosing forgiveness and walking in it, these toxins can be left in our cells to do damage! Our body needs to be in an alkaline state for health. The above mentioned things, like sugar, cause our cells to be acidic. An acidic cell cannot hold oxygen and a cell without oxygen becomes cancerous.

The Bible gives a clear solution. It tells us that when one of us is sick, to confess our sins to the elders and they will anoint you with oil and you will recover. (James 5:14-16) I would like to break this down a little.

I believe confessing our sin to an elder simply means sharing our hearts and weaknesses with someone who is spiritually mature. It means cleansing our souls of the anger, the unforgiveness; confessing our wrong doings, etc. If we confess our sins and He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Then the Word says that they will anoint us with oil. The Bible says that without knowledge the people perish (Hosea 4:6) and this verse can apply to the anointing with oil.

At His birth, Jesus was given three gifts; gold, frankincense and myrrh. (Matthew 2:11)  What was the frankincense and myrrh and why was it valued so highly?

Frankincense and myrrh are essential oils or ‘perfumes.’ Spikenard was the essential oil or perfume that was poured on Jesus’ feet by the woman. (This is actually mentioned several times and there is evidence three different women at different times put ‘perfume’ on Jesus feet.) These were and still are costly essential oils and have great value today.

An essential oil is the life essence of a plant. Plants are alive and these oils are removed without heat so as to not destroy the life of the oil. Mary knew the value of the frankincense and myrrh as both are highly antibacterial, antifungal, and have great healing properties. The people of Jesus’ times knew the value and uses of these perfumes and used them extensively. Even generations earlier, David mentions cleansing himself with hyssop in the Psalms. Hyssop was a plant that grew abundantly in that region and the oil from it was ‘cleansing.’

Essential oils heal on a cellular level. Within twenty minutes of applying a single drop of oil, it actively affects every cell in your body, bringing oxygen and cleansing to each cell. These oils remove toxins from the cells and oxygenate the cells restoring the alkaline balance and bringing healing.

We have derived our modern day perfumes from these oils but in doing so have killed all the benefits and are now left with just the scent. The amazing thing to me is that when the oils are alive, the scent itself is healing!

A study of the Greek word ‘anoint’ reveals that we have generically translated three different words to the English word ‘anoint.’ One of the Greek words is the root word for ‘therapy’ and from this we understand that it meant a long term applying of the oil to restore healing.

There was and is healing in the oil itself! I have for years been taught that you could use any oil and that it was a ‘touch-point’ for the Holy Spirit. Yes, the Holy Spirit can absolutely heal in that very moment without any oil at all, but over the centuries we have lost our knowledge of God’s natural way of healing that He made available in the Garden when He created plants.

There are hundreds of oils. One commonly known is lavender. Lavender is a wonderful oil that heals burns, causes peace and relaxation and has multiple benefits. But a lavender scented product does not have healing ability. It’s important to understand that the healing comes from the life of the plant and is destroyed through processing.

Fasting is also beneficial as it again cleanses the cells on a molecular level! These toxins stored in our cells are essentially ‘strongholds.’ Remember, there is no difference between the physical and the spiritual. When these toxins are cleared from our bodies, we are healed of ‘spiritual’ things as well as ‘physical’ things. The Word says, “Beloved, above all things, I desire that you be in good health and prosper, even as your soul prospers.” (3 John 2) The Word shows a clear alignment with soul health and physical health and even more than He desires that we be healed, God desires that we walk in good health!

You can learn more about these oils by reading, “Healing Oils, Healing Hands” by Linda Smith and “Healing Oils of the Bible” by Dr. David Stewart (both available on Amazon.) Another necessary book is “The Reference Guide for Essential Oils” I typically ask the Holy Spirit what oil I need to use and then confirm it in this book. 

Thieves’ Oil (Young Living) and On Guard (DoTerra) are essentially the same oil blends. The original oil was called Thieves’ Oil because during the Black Plague, thieves used it successfully to rob the dead without becoming sick themselves. It’s a powerful combination of clove, lemon, cinnamon bark, eucalyptus, and rosemary and has been found to be strong enough to reduce bacterial cultures by 99.96%!  My family uses it whenever we have been exposed to sickness or feel like we may be coming down with something. We rub it on the bottoms of our feet, on the backs of our neck and on the glands on the sides of our neck and breathe it in.  My husband and I have not been to the doctor in over ten years. Thieves’ Oil will even kill strep and staph germs if caught early enough.

I will post Part Two of this tomorrow!  Have a wonderful day!

love and blessings~

Standard
Home & Garden, Tips & How To

Let There Be Light (Part One)

The Lord has been teaching me so much about healing in the last decade. I believe that it is always God’s will to heal us; however, we have not understood some fundamental things that can stand in the way.

We are spirit, soul and body; a three part being created in the image of God. In the Hebrew language, there is no word for ‘spiritual.’ God’s people understood that there is no division between these three things. It is the Greek culture and exaltation of knowledge over Spirit that emphasized and distinguished the difference.


Several years ago I asked the Lord, “How can fasting (going without food) affect you spiritually?” It was a fascinating thought to me. And over the last couple of years, the Lord began to show me the answer.

We live in a fallen world. None of us will get through this life without being accosted by poison; physically damaging toxins and soul damaging wounds. Every day we eat and drink and breathe in things that are physically damaging to our bodies.

Non-filtered water, white flour and sugar, and preservatives are all known carcinogens. Drinking one cola or carbonated beverage wipes out your immune system for 27 hours. Doctors now know that even the plastics that ‘good’ food is packaged in can be absorbed into the food and when eaten, is harmful to us. The colorings and preservatives in makeup, hair coloring and even antiperspirants can cause skin cancer. The one that really makes me chuckle (in a non-amused way) is that there is an ingredient in sun-block is a known carcinogen and that people are becoming sick by not getting enough vitamin D from sun exposure! There is evidence that skin cancer is not caused by the sun but by a lack of good nutrition. 

But even more than that, doctors now recognize that anger can cause cancer and other health problems. Stress causes heart disease. Depression and grief cause us to become sick. Scripture confirms that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12

But even more recently, I discovered Dr. Caroline Leaf. She is a neuroscientist who has proven that "as a man thinks, so he is." Proverbs 23:7 She has proven that 99.9% of all sickness originates in our thought life and that sickness that we are born with, originated in the thought life of our ancestors. You can find her on YouTube and her books on Amazon. 

Sometimes when we are emotionally wounded, we are unable to handle the depth of our emotions all at once. People who have lost a loved one express a feeling of numbness for a season and the grief surfaces over time. This is our mind and body’s defense against overwhelming pain. When this happens, our bodies store the ‘pain’ in our cells and tissues, in the form of toxins. Unless flushed out, these toxins can and will cause illness.

Unforgiveness and anger against someone causes stress and toxins are stored in our cells. Men seem to suffer more with heart disease than women. Crying is a gift from God that helps cleanse our mind and body of toxins and releases positive endorphins into the body for healing.

Even when choosing forgiveness and walking in it, these toxins can be left in our cells to do damage! Our body needs to be in an alkaline state for health. The above mentioned things, like sugar, cause our cells to be acidic. An acidic cell cannot hold oxygen and a cell without oxygen becomes cancerous.

The Bible gives a clear solution. It tells us that when one of us is sick, to confess our sins to the elders and they will anoint you with oil and you will recover. (James 5:14-16) I would like to break this down a little.

I believe confessing our sin to an elder simply means sharing our hearts and weaknesses with someone who is spiritually mature. It means cleansing our souls of the anger, the unforgiveness; confessing our wrong doings, etc. If we confess our sins and He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Then the Word says that they will anoint us with oil. The Bible says that without knowledge the people perish (Hosea 4:6) and this verse can apply to the anointing with oil.

At His birth, Jesus was given three gifts; gold, frankincense and myrrh. (Matthew 2:11)  What was the frankincense and myrrh and why was it valued so highly?

Frankincense and myrrh are essential oils or ‘perfumes.’ Spikenard was the essential oil or perfume that was poured on Jesus’ feet by the woman. (This is actually mentioned several times and there is evidence three different women at different times put ‘perfume’ on Jesus feet.) These were and still are costly essential oils and have great value today.

An essential oil is the life essence of a plant. Plants are alive and these oils are removed without heat so as to not destroy the life of the oil. Mary knew the value of the frankincense and myrrh as both are highly antibacterial, antifungal, and have great healing properties. The people of Jesus’ times knew the value and uses of these perfumes and used them extensively. Even generations earlier, David mentions cleansing himself with hyssop in the Psalms. Hyssop was a plant that grew abundantly in that region and the oil from it was ‘cleansing.’

Essential oils heal on a cellular level. Within twenty minutes of applying a single drop of oil, it actively affects every cell in your body, bringing oxygen and cleansing to each cell. These oils remove toxins from the cells and oxygenate the cells restoring the alkaline balance and bringing healing.

We have derived our modern day perfumes from these oils but in doing so have killed all the benefits and are now left with just the scent. The amazing thing to me is that when the oils are alive, the scent itself is healing!

A study of the Greek word ‘anoint’ reveals that we have generically translated three different words to the English word ‘anoint.’ One of the Greek words is the root word for ‘therapy’ and from this we understand that it meant a long term applying of the oil to restore healing.

There was and is healing in the oil itself! I have for years been taught that you could use any oil and that it was a ‘touch-point’ for the Holy Spirit. Yes, the Holy Spirit can absolutely heal in that very moment without any oil at all, but over the centuries we have lost our knowledge of God’s natural way of healing that He made available in the Garden when He created plants.

There are hundreds of oils. One commonly known is lavender. Lavender is a wonderful oil that heals burns, causes peace and relaxation and has multiple benefits. But a lavender scented product does not have healing ability. It’s important to understand that the healing comes from the life of the plant and is destroyed through processing.

Fasting is also beneficial as it again cleanses the cells on a molecular level! These toxins stored in our cells are essentially ‘strongholds.’ Remember, there is no difference between the physical and the spiritual. When these toxins are cleared from our bodies, we are healed of ‘spiritual’ things as well as ‘physical’ things. The Word says, “Beloved, above all things, I desire that you be in good health and prosper, even as your soul prospers.” (3 John 2) The Word shows a clear alignment with soul health and physical health and even more than He desires that we be healed, God desires that we walk in good health!

You can learn more about these oils by reading, “Healing Oils, Healing Hands” by Linda Smith and “Healing Oils of the Bible” by Dr. David Stewart (both available on Amazon.) Another necessary book is “The Reference Guide for Essential Oils” I typically ask the Holy Spirit what oil I need to use and then confirm it in this book. 

Thieves’ Oil (Young Living) and On Guard (DoTerra) are essentially the same oil blends. The original oil was called Thieves’ Oil because during the Black Plague, thieves used it successfully to rob the dead without becoming sick themselves. It’s a powerful combination of clove, lemon, cinnamon bark, eucalyptus, and rosemary and has been found to be strong enough to reduce bacterial cultures by 99.96%!  My family uses it whenever we have been exposed to sickness or feel like we may be coming down with something. We rub it on the bottoms of our feet, on the backs of our neck and on the glands on the sides of our neck and breathe it in.  My husband and I have not been to the doctor in over ten years. Thieves’ Oil will even kill strep and staph germs if caught early enough.

I will post Part Two of this tomorrow!  Have a wonderful day!

love and blessings~

Standard
Columns, Devotionals

Get Up and Dance

I was at my chiropractor's office yesterday, waiting for my turn to be adjusted, when I saw a sweet elderly lady also getting an adjustment. It was very hard for her to get up on the table. She was very stiff and I discerned that this was her 'state of being' not a recent injury. I began to pray for her in the Spirit and I heard the word 'settle.'

I saw that her sins (thoughts that don't align with the Word of God) had 'settled' into the joints of her body. And the Lord began to impart to me the value of exercise.

Even though we are three parts: Spirit, Soul (mind, will, emotions) and Body - we can not separate these three in reality. What we eat affects us spiritually, what we believe affects us physically, what we do affects us mentally, etc.

If you don't do another constructive thing this summer, I want to encourage you to listen to  Dr. Caroline Leaf. I linked to a message of hers on my last post. She is a Christian neuro-scientist who has proven that 'as a man thinks, so he is.' She teaches that our thoughts have 'mental real estate.' Our thoughts actually create neurons in our brain. When our thoughts are pure and in line with God's Word, they bring Life and health. When they are sinful, they bring sickness, disease and mental illness.

She teaches, in her books and videos, how to renew our mind in the Word and change our health. Even things we are born with are a result of sin. The Bible tells us that the sins of the father are carried to the fifth generation. She teaches through renewing our mind in the Word, we can 'heal' those generational curses.

I have been listening to her teachings every chance I get and I've gotten two of her books to read. The Lord added to this teaching as I was sitting watching this dear lady.

We know that exercise releases endorphins that affect our moods and mental health. What God showed me is that exercise can keep these sinful manifestations from 'settling' into our joints as we get older and causing us to 'stiffen.' All physical ailments are rooted in these truths.

I love to start my day with Praise. Praise is declaring  Who God is. It is declaring that He is perfect in all His ways. I love to declare my love and devotion to Him with music and dance and movement. If you haven't read my post on the Seven Hebrew Words for Praise, please do. You'll see that movement is a very important part of praise.

When I start my day like this, I am incorporating both praise and exercise. I am blessing all my three parts - Spirit, Soul and Body. When I start my day like this, I hear God's voice all day long.

Some people love to commune with God as they walk. This is also a wonderful way to incorporate exercise with worship.

I truly believe that God wants us to understand that exercise is part of His design to keep us healthy Spirit, Soul and Body.

love and blessings~




Standard
Columns, Devotionals

Get Up and Dance

I was at my chiropractor's office yesterday, waiting for my turn to be adjusted, when I saw a sweet elderly lady also getting an adjustment. It was very hard for her to get up on the table. She was very stiff and I discerned that this was her 'state of being' not a recent injury. I began to pray for her in the Spirit and I heard the word 'settle.'

I saw that her sins (thoughts that don't align with the Word of God) had 'settled' into the joints of her body. And the Lord began to impart to me the value of exercise.

Even though we are three parts: Spirit, Soul (mind, will, emotions) and Body - we can not separate these three in reality. What we eat affects us spiritually, what we believe affects us physically, what we do affects us mentally, etc.

If you don't do another constructive thing this summer, I want to encourage you to listen to  Dr. Caroline Leaf. I linked to a message of hers on my last post. She is a Christian neuro-scientist who has proven that 'as a man thinks, so he is.' She teaches that our thoughts have 'mental real estate.' Our thoughts actually create neurons in our brain. When our thoughts are pure and in line with God's Word, they bring Life and health. When they are sinful, they bring sickness, disease and mental illness.

She teaches, in her books and videos, how to renew our mind in the Word and change our health. Even things we are born with are a result of sin. The Bible tells us that the sins of the father are carried to the fifth generation. She teaches through renewing our mind in the Word, we can 'heal' those generational curses.

I have been listening to her teachings every chance I get and I've gotten two of her books to read. The Lord added to this teaching as I was sitting watching this dear lady.

We know that exercise releases endorphins that affect our moods and mental health. What God showed me is that exercise can keep these sinful manifestations from 'settling' into our joints as we get older and causing us to 'stiffen.' All physical ailments are rooted in these truths.

I love to start my day with Praise. Praise is declaring  Who God is. It is declaring that He is perfect in all His ways. I love to declare my love and devotion to Him with music and dance and movement. If you haven't read my post on the Seven Hebrew Words for Praise, please do. You'll see that movement is a very important part of praise.

When I start my day like this, I am incorporating both praise and exercise. I am blessing all my three parts - Spirit, Soul and Body. When I start my day like this, I hear God's voice all day long.

Some people love to commune with God as they walk. This is also a wonderful way to incorporate exercise with worship.

I truly believe that God wants us to understand that exercise is part of His design to keep us healthy Spirit, Soul and Body.

love and blessings~




Standard
Home & Garden, Tips & How To

Get Up and Dance

I was at my chiropractor's office yesterday, waiting for my turn to be adjusted, when I saw a sweet elderly lady also getting an adjustment. It was very hard for her to get up on the table. She was very stiff and I discerned that this was her 'state of being' not a recent injury. I began to pray for her in the Spirit and I heard the word 'settle.'

I saw that her sins (thoughts that don't align with the Word of God) had 'settled' into the joints of her body. And the Lord began to impart to me the value of exercise.

Even though we are three parts: Spirit, Soul (mind, will, emotions) and Body - we can not separate these three in reality. What we eat affects us spiritually, what we believe affects us physically, what we do affects us mentally, etc.

If you don't do another constructive thing this summer, I want to encourage you to listen to  Dr. Caroline Leaf. I linked to a message of hers on my last post. She is a Christian neuro-scientist who has proven that 'as a man thinks, so he is.' She teaches that our thoughts have 'mental real estate.' Our thoughts actually create neurons in our brain. When our thoughts are pure and in line with God's Word, they bring Life and health. When they are sinful, they bring sickness, disease and mental illness.

She teaches, in her books and videos, how to renew our mind in the Word and change our health. Even things we are born with are a result of sin. The Bible tells us that the sins of the father are carried to the fifth generation. She teaches through renewing our mind in the Word, we can 'heal' those generational curses.

I have been listening to her teachings every chance I get and I've gotten two of her books to read. The Lord added to this teaching as I was sitting watching this dear lady.

We know that exercise releases endorphins that affect our moods and mental health. What God showed me is that exercise can keep these sinful manifestations from 'settling' into our joints as we get older and causing us to 'stiffen.' All physical ailments are rooted in these truths.

I love to start my day with Praise. Praise is declaring  Who God is. It is declaring that He is perfect in all His ways. I love to declare my love and devotion to Him with music and dance and movement. If you haven't read my post on the Seven Hebrew Words for Praise, please do. You'll see that movement is a very important part of praise.

When I start my day like this, I am incorporating both praise and exercise. I am blessing all my three parts - Spirit, Soul and Body. When I start my day like this, I hear God's voice all day long.

Some people love to commune with God as they walk. This is also a wonderful way to incorporate exercise with worship.

I truly believe that God wants us to understand that exercise is part of His design to keep us healthy Spirit, Soul and Body.

love and blessings~




Standard
Home & Garden, Tips & How To

Get Up and Dance

I was at my chiropractor's office yesterday, waiting for my turn to be adjusted, when I saw a sweet elderly lady also getting an adjustment. It was very hard for her to get up on the table. She was very stiff and I discerned that this was her 'state of being' not a recent injury. I began to pray for her in the Spirit and I heard the word 'settle.'

I saw that her sins (thoughts that don't align with the Word of God) had 'settled' into the joints of her body. And the Lord began to impart to me the value of exercise.

Even though we are three parts: Spirit, Soul (mind, will, emotions) and Body - we can not separate these three in reality. What we eat affects us spiritually, what we believe affects us physically, what we do affects us mentally, etc.

If you don't do another constructive thing this summer, I want to encourage you to listen to  Dr. Caroline Leaf. I linked to a message of hers on my last post. She is a Christian neuro-scientist who has proven that 'as a man thinks, so he is.' She teaches that our thoughts have 'mental real estate.' Our thoughts actually create neurons in our brain. When our thoughts are pure and in line with God's Word, they bring Life and health. When they are sinful, they bring sickness, disease and mental illness.

She teaches, in her books and videos, how to renew our mind in the Word and change our health. Even things we are born with are a result of sin. The Bible tells us that the sins of the father are carried to the fifth generation. She teaches through renewing our mind in the Word, we can 'heal' those generational curses.

I have been listening to her teachings every chance I get and I've gotten two of her books to read. The Lord added to this teaching as I was sitting watching this dear lady.

We know that exercise releases endorphins that affect our moods and mental health. What God showed me is that exercise can keep these sinful manifestations from 'settling' into our joints as we get older and causing us to 'stiffen.' All physical ailments are rooted in these truths.

I love to start my day with Praise. Praise is declaring  Who God is. It is declaring that He is perfect in all His ways. I love to declare my love and devotion to Him with music and dance and movement. If you haven't read my post on the Seven Hebrew Words for Praise, please do. You'll see that movement is a very important part of praise.

When I start my day like this, I am incorporating both praise and exercise. I am blessing all my three parts - Spirit, Soul and Body. When I start my day like this, I hear God's voice all day long.

Some people love to commune with God as they walk. This is also a wonderful way to incorporate exercise with worship.

I truly believe that God wants us to understand that exercise is part of His design to keep us healthy Spirit, Soul and Body.

love and blessings~




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Faux Report

New Study Finds That Babies Fed Formula Over Breastmilk More Likely To Become Gay

formula

PERKINS, Iowa –

A study performed by scientists at the Perkins Institute of Genetic Studies in Iowa found that children that are fed powdered or liquid formula are more likely to become gay than babies who are fed breastmilk.

The study, which was performed over 20 years at the Perkins Institute followed 200 different babies from the time they were born until the time they were 20 years old. Dr. Sam Klein, who was the lead on the study, said that a whopping 89% of the babies who were given formula turned out to be homosexual.

“There is such a thing as correlation, and there is such a thing as causation, and with these overwhelming numbers, we believe that formula is a direct cause of homosexuality,” said Dr. Klein. “The chemical known as Benozite Carbon, which makes up a large portion of formula, seems to be to blame.”

Benozite Carbon is not found in natural breastmilk, but is needed to lengthen the shelf life of formulas.

Dr. Klein says that they are beginning their second study, which will follow new children, and plans to release his findings in medical journals this summer.

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Faux Report

Bodybuilder Accused Of Murder Found ‘Too Fit’ To Stand Trial

bodybuilder

SAN DIEGO, California – 

Carl Jones, a professional bodybuilder from San Diego was found too fit to stand trial after he was accused of murdering his former lover, Cindy Mays.

A grand jury of his peers found that Jones was in too good of shape to be put through the harrowing legal proceedings that would have ensued in a murder case. A person being ‘too fit’ to stand trial is rare, but not unheard of.

“Oftentimes, as is the case with the law, things work out very oddly,” said lawyer Jackson Pooler. “Many times, a person is declared unfit to stand trial. This is usually because they are mentally unstable or unsound. In the case of Mr. Jones, my client, the grand jury found that he was too fit – a long, drawn-out court case would be detrimental to his health.”

Jones says that he works out over 9 hours a day, and eats in excess of 20,000 calories.

“There is no way that I’d be able to maintain this physique and, in essence, my health, if I had to stand trial,” said Jones. “In this case, the jury has made the correct decision, and I am just overjoyed that I can now continue making sure that I live as clean and healthy a life as possible.”

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Faux Report

Man Completely Flushes Diabetes From Body By Drinking 100 Gallons of Water

diabetes

JONESVILLE, Florida – 

A 230-pound man, George Lewis, says that he completely rid his body of type-2 diabetes by drinking nothing but water – over 100 gallons in total – over a week-long period.

“My doctor told me I needed to be more hydrated, and stop eating so much crap,” said Lewis, 37. “I was a diabetic, and I didn’t want to die. So I started drinking more and more water, and then I realized I couldn’t stop drinking water. Over a week, I drank over 100 gallons. About 15 jugs a day.”

According to Lewis and his doctors, the former construction worker is no free of diabetes, with blood sugar levels at around 87.

“It’s amazing, really. The first time I’ve ever seen anything like it,” said Dr. Emmett Brown, Lewis’ physician. “I told him to get some more fluids, and get some exercise, but he took this to heart. I’m glad he went above and beyond. His body is working like a champ.”

“Thing of it is, when I had diabetes, I was peeing probably every hour or so. Like a pregnant woman,” said Lewis. “After my water battle, I’m peeing every 10 minutes or so; have been for about 3 weeks. In the end, though, it’s all good. At least I’m disease free.”

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Faux Report

8-Year-Old Fakes Cancer To Scam Make-A-Wish Foundation

sick

ATLANTA, Georgia –

A family in Atlanta convinced their 8-year-old son to go along with faking cancer to get a free trip to Disneyland, say police.

The Marques family, including Mary and Lewis Marques, both 34, and their son, 8-year-old Henry, reportedly visited doctors for over 2 years in the Atlanta area, faking symptoms of severe sickness in hopes of getting a free trip to Florida through the Make-A-Wish foundation.

“The Marques family had a very sophisticated way of doing things, in that they would constantly research rare cancer types, visit a doctor in one area, then falsify medical records, and then visit doctors in another area, using the names and locations of the previous doctor,” said police detective Mario Ferreira. “It was all an extremely elaborate scheme. The amount of time they put into it was intense. At the center of it all, of course, was 8-year-old Henry.”

According to the family, the entire scam was Henry’s idea. He was watching an episode of the TV show House on cable, and asked his mother where they found all the sick people to be in the show. When they explained that everyone, including the children on the show, were all just pretending, Henry asked if he could pretend to be sick and get on TV.

“Henry would not stop hounding us about the kids pretending to be sick. Eventually, we relented, and told him that no, we probably couldn’t get him on TV, but we might be able to get him to meet Mickey and Goofy,” said Lewis Marques. “But he had to promise to never reveal his secret – that he was totally healthy.”

Unfortunately, the secret was revealed after the Make-A-Wish foundation was contacted, as the group often does their own medical check-ups on children. It was then they discovered that Henry was perfectly healthy.

“I’m really sorry for what I did, but I just wanted to be famous!” said Henry. “And then I found out I could meet Mickey, and that seemed so cool. I don’t have any cancers at all, but I do get a cold sometimes. Will that help me go to Disney?

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Faux Report

Kellog’s To Bring Back Anti-Masturbation Stance In New Marketing Materials

kellog

BATTLE CREEK, Michigan –

A lot of people don’t know this about Kellog’s Brand cereals, but one of the original members of the company, John Harvey Kellog, was a staunch anti-masturbator. The man, along with his brother, company founder William Kellog, invented the Corn Flakes cereal as a way to curb masturbation, and JH Kellog was a leader in the Anti-Masturbation Movement.

Over the years, the Kellog company has tried to distance itself from this stance, but a recent shocking announcement from the company claims that they are looking to bring back the anti-masturbation themes in their marketing, hoping to keep young children from harming themselves with what Kellog called “the worst evil [one] could commit.”

“We at Kellog’s brands have decided that the time is right to bring back the anti-masturbation league, and teach children – and adults – about the dangers of masturbation,” said current Kellog’s brands CEO Tyler Warner. “Our founders believed in healthy lifestyles, and we want to promote that the best way we can. Starting immediately, Kellog’s brand products and cereals will include pamphlets about anti-masturbation, as well as facts about the dangers masturbating can cause.”

Most parents groups seem extremely pleased with the announcement, with Kellog’s stock shooting up over 20 points since the original plan was made public. Kellog’s said they plan to approach Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin to appear in new cereal advertising.

 

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Devotionals

Mindsets

The Lord first spoke the word “mindset” to me several years ago.  (I wrote this ‘note’ in 2012)
A friend had died of sickness.  We had gone to the hospital to pray for her and I had seen the light of Jesus shine on her and bring wholeness.  I had spoken the things I saw in the Spirit over her.  She felt heat. Others had come and prayed for her, spending hours worshipping in her room. She was recovering.
Then I got a call two days later that she’d gone home to be with the Lord.  I asked God, “Why?”  And He said, “mindsets.”
In the last few years, God’s been talking to me about this a lot. The free online dictionary defines a mindset as:
1. A fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person’s responses to and interpretations of situations.
2. An inclination or a habit.
I googled “mindsets” and found out that there’s a book out called, “Mindset” by psychologist Carol Dweck.    · · · →
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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, February 8, 2016

An important word came in from some prophets at Generals. Read it in the links. Strength and calls to prayer are coming and confirmed.

The results in Iowa look back to Trump having been in second place at key times in the past. Previously second to Carson, then second to Cruz. The Religious Right’s first choice changed from Carson to Cruz. Trump supporters seemed unchanged.

The democrats could barely decide their candidate. Hillary one one vote by a coin toss. If Sanders loses, his supporters could swing to Trump in a general since both are anti-establishment. With 24% Trump, 25% Cruz, and 10% Carson—all having like-minded voters—Republicans have a strong base, indicating Iowa going Republican in the general election.

As for Cruz “dirty tricks” in misreporting Carson as dropping out, it isn’t over with Iowa; it’s just starting. People will now ask… How many times would Cruz have to apologize for things he “didn’t know” happened in his administration? Carson stands to benefit in the long run from the Iowa antics and Cruz could have exposed what type of manager he is. He may not be re-electable as a Senator.

To many, Cruz seems like a typical Christian hypocrite. Playing the “Christian fish” card won W Iowa and the general election—the only Republican president to win the Hawkeye Cauci in decades. Cruz won Iowa because he resembled W 15 years ago, even benefiting from [Karl] “Rovian dirty tricks”.

New Hampshire is more important as a “crystal ball”, where Trump is clearly in front.

Prediction: Cruz and Rubio destroy each other, Tump asks Carson for VP or less likely Palin as VP and Carson in the cabinet. Sanders loses to the Clinton machine, giving us a Trump v Clinton election. With Carson or Palin as VP, Sanders would be Hillary’s best choice to keep his supporters from moving to Trump. But, she probably won’t do that just because she read it here first.

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