Faux Report

BREAKING: Donald Trump Secretly Hired Illegal Immigrants To Start Building Border Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Top secret documents leaked to the press by a White House staffer showed that President Trump ordered the hiring of over 2,000 illegal immigrants to begin working on his border wall between Texas and Mexico. The documents, released to the press only hours ago, also stated that he was prepared to offer each worker upwards of $40 an hour.

“This is a goddamn outrage,” said construction worker Chris Thomas. “I have been bidding for the border wall job for nearly a year, and it’s the goddamn illegals that get the job? Isn’t the whole point of the wall to keep these sand people out of the fucking country?”

Trump released a statement on Twitter, stating that “all suspicion of illegals being used for labor at the border are false.” He went on to say that “Fake News” had struck again.

“I would never hire undocumented workers,” tweeted Trump. “The Fake News Media has struck again, and you’re all buying it. We don’t have any staffers in the WH that would leak that news, even if it were true.”

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Prophecy

Northwest Prophetic 2018-06-11 08:48:00


I was recently in prayer and was taken in the spirit; I looked and saw these deep seated, old roots of corruption in the foundation of the White House.

In the vision, the White House appeared to be shaped like a very old tree with its’ branches withering. Suddenly, the hand of the Lord came and pulled it from the ground. Another White House was put in its place that’s roots revealed righteousness and peace. The hand of the Lord planted it into rich soil and it began to flourish, it’s branches contained beautiful fruit. As I looked at this tree it seemed to be an olive tree.

I was again lifted up and taken to the House of Representatives, the Senate and the Supreme Court where I saw them uprooted as well and replaced with new trees that foundations were righteousness and peace. They too began to flourish and bear fruit and appeared to be olive trees as well with multicolored fruit. I heard the Lord speak, “I have extended an olive breach of peace to the United States of America and will extend Donald Trump’s presidency into a second term by the power of my right hand. 

What I have done in the White House will happen with every branch of Government in the United States for I will pull out corruption and plant trees of righteousness that will bear much fruit. Even now the ax is laid to the root of these corrupt trees. Every tree which does not bear good fruit will be cut down, pulled out and thrown into the fire! There will come forth new terms filled with peace, branches will grow out of righteous roots. The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon America again, The Spirit of wisdom and understanding, The Spirit of counsel and might, The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord will return once again across the land.”

I again looked and saw a massive red tsunami wave coming to America suddenly it crashed against the shores and covered the nation. I thought, “No. Does this mean a disaster will come?” I heard the Lord say, “I will come to America with another wave of revival, this will be the third wave and will crash against the shores so intensely that the nation will awaken to righteousness again. I will cover this nation with my blood, cities will experience the salvation of my hand. I will empower my church to preach the message of the cross and multitudes will run to alters on street corners and stadiums as I cover the nation with the blood of my son from sea to shining sea.”

The Lord spoke to me again, “As a sure sign of these things coming to pass there will be a wave of conservatives elected during the midterm election in November 2018, it will be Breaking News. They will carry the House and the Senate and I will uproot, replant and rebuild the nation. I will tie the three branches of government together for a person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. I will no longer allow your President to stand on his own. Even now I have called others to come along side and help bring the nation back from the dead and they will take their seats in the coming days.”

I saw the House of Representatives stay in the hands of the Republicans and will move much more to a conservative position. I could see into the Senate and saw the Republicans gain 9 seats, those that took their place were considerably more conservative then those who had previously been there. I heard the Lord say, “Yes, nine will be a sign; a sign that righteousness has been birthed in the nation and earth.” I saw three more constitutional conservatives were appointed to the Supreme Court by President before 2020.

I was so stirred in my heart at the sight of the nation, it was no longer surviving; it was thriving. Waves of outpouring, renewal and revival were all around. I saw tangible glory clouds coming down. God will have his way in the coming days, but we must stand and continue to pray.



-Prophet Charlie Shamp 

Comment: This isn't specifically about the Northwest, but the word about a tsunami is in line with several other words from the Northwest: http://www.northwestprophetic.com/search/label/tsunami

I have no comment regarding the political statements. But he is specific enough that we'll be able to judge the accuracy of them in the coming months.  


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Faux Report

Barack Obama Announces Plans To Get Elected As Italian Prime Minister

obama arrested

FLORENCE, Italy – 

Former President Barack Obama has announced his bid to become Italy’s newest Prime Minister. After discovering that Italian law did not dictate that the leader of the country must be a citizen, Obama stated that he had plans that would “directly lead to his election” as Italy’s Prime Minister.

“Italy has had 17 Prime Ministers in almost as many years, and it’s pathetic,”  said Obama in a statement to the Italian people via ITV News. “In 8 years, I turned America from a depressed, Bush-era country into the thriving, amazing place it is today. If the Italian people go to the polls and write me in, I can do for your country what I did for mine.”

While there are several candidates currently running for the position, the Italian people are extremely divided on the ballots, and it’s likely that no leader will be chosen in the election. At that point, the existing sitting government can choose any person that the like, even if that person is not a citizen, and/or not a current member of government.

“I’d like to also tell the sitting government that I will work just as hard for the Italians as I did for the Americans,” said Obama. “There is no doubt in my mind that my leadership abilities will outshine anyone else you have running currently.”

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Faux Report

Trump Begins Waging Battle Against The ‘War on New Year’s Eve’

cigs

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Now that President Trump has successfully won the War on Christmas, he is setting his sights on another age-old advisory: The War on New Year’s Eve.

“It’s despicable that there are so many people wishing each other a ‘Happy New Year,’ when they have no idea if I believe that next year is going to be better than this one,” said President Trump. “Liberals like to push their agenda, they want you to have a happy 2018. Well that’s not right, that’s not going to work for everyone. 2017 was a big year. The biggest year. I’m not saying 2018 can’t be a big year, but we can’t just go out assuming it’s going to be great, it’s going to be happy.

Trump said that he has begun wishing people a “decent New Year” or an “Okay New Year,” and on at least one occasion, a “shitty New year.”

“I have no reason to wish that specific person a Happy New Year, and I don’t particularly want them to have a Happy 2018,” said Trump, not mentioning the person by name. “Frankly, though, this entire happy nonsense has got to stop. I’m officially declaring it dead, and killing this war on New Year’s. 

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Faux Report

President Trump Takes Away Citizenship of ‘Anchor Babies’ – Children Born In the U.S. To Illegal Immigrants

Donald Trump to Give All His Money to Cancer Research

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump doesn’t believe babies born in the United States to undocumented immigrant parents are American citizens.

“I don’t think they have American citizenship and if you speak to some very, very good lawyers — and I know some will disagree, but many of them agree with me — and you’re going to find they do not have American citizenship,” Trump said Tuesday in an interview with Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly. “We have to start a process where we take back our country. Our country is going to hell.”

Trump claims that those born on U.S. soil to illegal immigrants don’t have full citizens’ rights. “What happens is they’re in Mexico, they’re going to have a baby, they move over here for a couple of days, they have the baby,” he told O’Reilly. Trump asserted, “Many lawyers are saying that’s not the way it is in terms of this,” and went on to say, “They are saying it is not going to hold up in court. It will have to be tested but they say it will not hold up in court.”

The GOP presidential hopeful does not, however, support amending the Constitution to repeal birthright citizenship, saying it would be a “long process.”

“I think it would take too long,” he told Fox News. “I’d much rather find out whether or not anchor babies are citizens because a lot of people don’t think they are. We’re going to test it out.”

Trump will begin the process to locate and deport illegal “Anchor Babies” as early as next week. Any immigrant who has illegally overstayed a visa or entered the country illegally, along with any children of illegal immigrants, no matter what age or how long they have resided in the United States, will be deported beginning as early as mid-February.

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Makes MASSIVE Donation of Play-Doh To Texas Flood Victims; ‘They Need Things To Do and To Have Fun’

Trump

DALLAS-FORT WORTH, Texas – 

President Trump visited some of the cities that have been almost completely washed away by Hurricane Harvey, bringing not only a positive message, but a MASSIVE donation of Play-Doh.

“These kids, and these people, everyone, all of them were affected by their homes being washed out from under them, WOOSH!” said President Trump. “They don’t have anything anymore. They don’t have a house or a toilet. These kids, they have no toys. They need toys, and they need to still be children, and not let themselves get too down because their house is gone now. So I have brought with me nearly 400 pallets of Play-Doh, and I want everyone to take a case for free.”

President Trump seemed to be extremely excited by the opportunity to give the Play-Doh, but most residents were not amused.

“It would be great if we had a place to go, maybe some goddamn food,” said one resident. “I mean, I guess I will just eat this fucking Play-Doh, though. Maybe I’ll build myself a new house out of it while I’m at it. Shit, this is the best day of my life.”

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Makes MASSIVE Donation of Play-Doh To Texas Flood Victims; ‘They Need Things To Do and To Have Fun’

Trump

DALLAS-FORT WORTH, Texas – 

President Trump visited some of the cities that have been almost completely washed away by Hurricane Harvey, bringing not only a positive message, but a MASSIVE donation of Play-Doh.

“These kids, and these people, everyone, all of them were affected by their homes being washed out from under them, WOOSH!” said President Trump. “They don’t have anything anymore. They don’t have a house or a toilet. These kids, they have no toys. They need toys, and they need to still be children, and not let themselves get too down because their house is gone now. So I have brought with me nearly 400 pallets of Play-Doh, and I want everyone to take a case for free.”

President Trump seemed to be extremely excited by the opportunity to give the Play-Doh, but most residents were not amused.

“It would be great if we had a place to go, maybe some goddamn food,” said one resident. “I mean, I guess I will just eat this fucking Play-Doh, though. Maybe I’ll build myself a new house out of it while I’m at it. Shit, this is the best day of my life.”

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Faux Report

Maine Launches Heroin Vending Machines To Make Sure Addicts Have Clean Needles, Good Drugs

AUGUSTA, Maine – 

Maine, one of the states with the highest amount of overdoses on heroin and other opioid drugs, has recently launched a new program to help addicts make sure that they’re getting clean, sterile equipment before shooting up.

“We want to make sure that these druggies are OD’ing clean, without also increasing the risk of AIDS or other diseases common among IV drug users,” said Maine Governor Paul LePage. “Originally, the vending machines were designed to offer only the needles, but in further discussion, we decided the best bet was to offer the entire package – a needle, heroin, a giant rubber tube – everything a good little addict will  need.”

The purpose of these vending machines, LePage says, is to make sure that people who need their fix can get it safely and securely, and that the state can better regulate the drug trade.

“We already legalized marijuana, and by next year it will go live in retail stores, and we’ll make fortune,” said LePage. “I am against marijuana, but I’m definitely not against money. This heroin trade is a booming business in our state, so it’s time we got involved.”

The machines will be placed in “high-ghetto” areas around Maine, including the state capitol, Augusta, as well as bigger cities like Bangor and Portland. They also plan to expand to smaller cities and towns over the next two years, as LePage commented that the heroin trade is big there, too.”

“There’s not a hell of a lot to do in a town like Waterville, for example, except to shoot up, so we’ll eventually focus on making sure those towns are also taken care of.”

LePage estimates that the machines will bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue in the 2018 fiscal year.

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Faux Report

Obama Plans To Run For President Again in 2020 After Lawyers Dig Up Legal Loophole

obama arrested

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Former president Barack Obama has announced that he will be seeking to the White House once more in 2020, after a massive team of lawyers hired by Obama have dug up a legal loophole that will allow him to serve more than 2 terms.

“It was a lot of work, and I’ve had this team of over 40 lawyers working on this for 3 years,” said Obama. “I knew that they would eventually be able to find a way to get me back in, and we have found one. I am now eligible to run for a third term, possibly more if I am re-elected, and I can save this country from what is a whirlwind downfall with Trump in office.”

Obama did not elaborate on how he was able to run for a third term, except to say that it was a “complicated matter” that has been confirmed by “the best lawyers in the world.”

President Trump has not commented publicly on Obama’s plans, but the commander-in-chief did say that he will beat “anyone” who runs against him in 2020, no matter who it is.

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Faux Report

Muslims Send Letter of Thanks To Trump For Banning Them From Entering U.S.

SYRIA – 

A group of Muslims has sent a nice letter and package to the office of Donald Trump at the White House, after he banned their entire country from entering the United States.

The group says that they are “overjoyed” that they will not be allowed to enter the country, as they say Donald Trump has turned the place into a “full blown shit show.”

“There was a time where all I ever wanted was to visit the United States. I saved for years to be able to visit, and then Donald Trump took over,” said Farook Mashud. “He has taken the country and basically turned it around, bent it over, and fucked it like a goat in heat. There is no reason to visit anymore, and now I am happy to be banned.”

Many Muslims around the globe shared Mashud’s sentiment, saying that they will just “wait four years” before they try to come again.

“Even if the ban is lifted, I see no reason to go to the United States anymore,” said Khalmid Bariel. “I really wanted to visit with Obama was running things, but with that white devil turning the country into a giant pile of feces, I do not want to take a chance of being beaten or murdered while visiting. I will stay in Syria.”

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Faux Report

Government Forces Company To Remove The Term ‘Diet’ From All Foods

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Have you had a diet soda recently? We don’t suppose it helped you lose any weight, did it? Of course not. But, the United States government thinks that ‘diet’ has become a word synonymous with losing weight, and has decided to ban it from all food and packaging that shoppers would be exposed to.

“If you go to the store and get a Diet Pepsi, I’d expect, as a normal, everyday kind of guy, that I should be able to drink it and lose weight,” said Mario Lewis, who started a petition with change.org to get the government to remove the label. “I drank a Diet Soda every single day for nearly 20 years. It was my diet plan. All I got from that much diet drink was cancer. I didn’t lose a pound.”

“We agree that something has to change, and so we’ve made the decision to ban the word ‘diet’ from food packaging,” said USDA representative Carl Pooler. “Starting January 1st, ‘diets’ will be a thing of the past. What the new term is, we haven’t decided. We may leave that up to the producer of the specific food.”

This ban comes after similar ones from years past, such as the tobacco industry being forced to remove the term “light” to describe their cigarettes, when those things were still filled with the same amount of rat poison, cow shit, and black death as their “full flavor” counterparts.

 

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Faux Report

Herbal Supplements To Be Banned From Markets By 2017

herbals

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

A daily supplement or two has become routine for many Americans, but a report is highlighting how these substances can sometimes be harmful. A bill before congress is pushing for anything not falling under the regulation of the Food and Drug Administration to be banned.

The movement to ban herbal supplements is based an extensive report by Consumer Reports, showing how producers of dietary supplements face little regulation from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and why that can be dangerous for those taking supplements. Supplements can have side effects, and retailers and pharmacists may not understand how supplements can interact with a person’s medication, the report said. Additionally, since supplements are regulated as food, the ingredients do not have to be proved safe and effective in the same manner prescription drugs are by the FDA.

Dr. Donna Seger, the director of the Tennessee Poison Center, said that many people do not think about supplements’ potential consequences on their health. “An estimated 23,000 people every year end up in emergency rooms after taking supplements, and there’s no real proof they do any good whatsoever.”

Others say this is just another instance of “big pharma” buying off politicians. Herbalist Tray Reed says,“It’s not supplements that do they harm, it’s these drug companies. They pump you full of a drug that costs hundreds of dollars when some unpatented supplements would do the trick for a fraction of the price. Then you have to take another drug to fix the side effects of the first drug. It’s a scam.”

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Faux Report

Police Calling For Stricter Gun Control After Woman Shoots Intruder

gun cotrol

PORTLAND, Oregon –

Politicians say a recent incident where a woman shot an intruder in self defense is a case-in-point example of why there needs to be stricter gun control laws. A woman who returned to her Portland, Ore., home with her two children early Sunday morning shot and killed an intruder who was in the home, police said.

The woman, 33, found a stranger in the bedroom of one of her children about 1:45 a.m. PT Sunday. Police said the victim came home with her children ages 5 and 10, and armed with a handgun, she shot and killed the unknown 59-year-old man.

Police said the woman is cooperating with investigators and was not arrested. The investigation will determine whether she acted in self-defense and whether she will face charges.

Authorities say once the investigation is complete, it will be presented to the Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office for review.

An autopsy will be conducted Monday. The name of the man will not be released until his family is notified, police said.

Chief Luke Barkley says ordinary citizens should not take the law in their own hands. “The proper protocol would be to call 911 and wait for police to arrive. Don’t try to be a hero. This tragedy could have likely been avoided.”

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Faux Report

Government Puts Price On Freedom, Plans To Sell ‘Freedom Shares’ To Citizens

money

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Freedom is not free. In fact, it is quite expensive, and some are proposing the sale of “freedom shares” to help pay for it. It costs nearly $700 billion a year to keep America in the freedom to which it is accustomed. That is $5,600 paid in for every household in America to pay for military expenses, and obviously this does not began to cover all the other expenses of running the federal government.

The freedom shares program would allow the average citizen to donate extra money towards keeping America free, and in return they would be allowed additional freedoms. These special privileges would include getting out of speeding tickets and even free passes to cheat on one’s spouse. If one bought enough freedom shares they may even be able to commit one free homicide.

The program has been criticized as unfair, as the rich would be proportionately more free. Supporter, John Seebode says, “Well, I reckon that may be true, but ain’t that how things are anyway? I support freedom shares, because it’s not a tax so I can chose to donate. And what better cause than keeping America free?”

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