Faux Report

Donald Trump Signs Bill Reversing Gay Marriage, Mainstream Media Completely Silent



In an unplanned and quietly announced session at the White House on Friday, President Trump signed a bill reversing the gay marriage laws, and revoking the right for homosexuals to get married. The bill was signed only a short 20 minutes after Trump’s tax plan was made official.

“As a Christian, and as someone who wants America to be great again – as great as possible – I cannot, in good conscience, allow for gays to get married in this country,” said President Trump. “They will have to settle for just being boyfriends or girlfriends. That’s really all they need, anyway.”

The decision to reverse the law, which of course was created under Obama, comes as no surprise to Trump supporters, even the gay ones.

“I voted for him so, I mean, I guess that’s what I’m going to get, you know?” Said Marcus Crumb, a gay man in New York City. “I don’t know why I even marked his name off on the sheet. I could have chosen Jill Stein, you know? But she just has like, no style at all, and Trump wears just the most fabulous suits. I’ll take looking at Trump over getting married any day. No one says I can’t still like pumping a guy in the ass, right? I don’t need a piece of paper just ’cause I’m in love.”


Fab Sandwich: Homosexuality Hits Crit Mass

Fab Sandwich: Homosexuality Hits Crit Mass

SCOTUS redefined marriage as an indication of homosexuality hitting the critical mass stage. It is now a fad. “Coming out of the closet” is no longer “brave” and has lost all of its counter-culture flair. Now, it’s the way to “be like everyone else”. The “fashionable homosexual” will never seem more attractive than he does now… never before, never after. Once something becomes too popular, it loses steam.

The number of open homosexuals will increase. That part won’t fade. But the flair, the pizzazz, the rapture and excitement of scandal—these will be lost for those who jumped in the game too late. Some of it will continue to go up, for a while. The momentum is still there, but the steam is gone.

Soon, closet homosexuals, formerly “fat slob phobes”, will join the movement. Then, once homosexuality is the new normal, the fat slobs will take over that as well. Understanding this requires an understanding of history: Men weren’t fat slobs because they were straight; they were fat slobs because that was the lazy thing to do.

Once the party is over, the new fashion will be eligible “metro” bachelors—these are straight men who have the fashion and cultural brilliance of the “Fab Five” image, and who don’t bash homosexuals. That will be the trend in the coming years. It hasn’t started yet, of course. But when it starts, it will last a long time because it will never hit critical mass. Staying in shape and having children is nearly impossible, too impossible for the masses to ever accept. That’s why many are called and few are chosen.

None of that is opinion, it’s an attempt at a prediction. As for my opinion…

I don’t hate homosexuals. I put myself in the metro category. I am rather disgusted with the in-yer-face, lazy fat-old-fathers the Boomers gave us. They were always disgusting, even in their 20’s. They didn’t listen to their parents and they didn’t listen to their children—and they certainly don’t listen to their wives. The homosexual fashion movement is giving those failed fathers a run for their money.

Would I love it if fathers changed and started to listen for the first time? Yeah. I’d also love it if China would focus on cleaning up their own country before annexing others. I’d love it if Russia would stop acting like a fool just because it’s angry that Obama can’t make other countries like him. And I’d love it if Churchianity would drop dead and resurrect Jesus. I’d love a lot of things. But, I don’t intend to intervene. I’m grabbing my popcorn because I know how this story ends: the metros on top, the phobes on bottom, and the fabs in the middle.

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