Faux Report

New ‘Shit On The America Flag Challenge’ Takes Form In Support Of Colin Kaepernick and Free Speech

 

Poop-on-flag-challenge1

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Young black Americans are apparently taking a stand and wiping their asses with the American flag, all in support of Colin Kaepernick and his sit-in during the National Anthem, and to make notice of their rights to free speech.

“I love America, there’s nothing wrong here at all as far as my life is concerned,” said Shelby McIntire, an ass-wiping, flag hater. “Problem is, fuck the flag, and fuck the national anthem. I don’t care about symbols, I care about action, and there’s none happening for young niggas like me. So, here’s your flag, here’s my shit, and now the two can meet.”

The act of flag desecration is protected free speech, but McIntire has had to go into hiding thanks to internet trolls that revealed her address on popular website Reddit.

“I’m not scared for me, but I don’t want them to hurt my family over this,” said McIntire. “It will all blow over, though. And I can go back to wiping my ass with toilet paper.”

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